Death in the Distance

A bit of a poem for my Dad

I am following my Dad down
a gravel road on
a bike that will never
move as fast as his
not because I am a woman
or his daughter but
because his has pedal assist and a motor
and mine
does not
and his was a gift to himself as he
started chemotherapy for
a lymphoma that is different
than the lymphoma my mom has
and has fought
and will likely fight again

on the South Dakota plains it is
not uncommon to encounter wind
but today the wind is whipping at
thirty miles per hour
headwind
straight in
and mostly uphill

my dad points out something
dead alongside the barbed wire
fence and I scan the beer cans
and vodka bottles on my side of the road

I wonder at his courage
looking at death in the distance
I wonder at my sanity
looking to speed it up

my dad is many things but he is
resolute and he is
a provider
the day he had his stroke
before I held his hand and
urged him to smile
followed the firetrucks and the
ambulance across town
he told me he should have been
a pilot or a tinkerer
that he always loved trying
to make things work

I think of his six children and
the ways we have followed him
betrayed him
challenged him
encouraged him
fought against him and alongside him
and he has tried to make it work

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