Prince Philip gets defrosted every morning

Rating ridiculous conspiracy theories about the royal family that are circling the internet.

Looking like a corpse strapped into a straitjacket with pins in his lips to force a smile, Prince Philip was photographed being driven home from hospital on Christmas eve 2019. The hollow painful look in his eye probably caused from the poor man being forced into a suit and tie straight out of the hospital. Considering this photo was taken a year ago, it is unsurprising that the public are starting to question his living presence.

Approaching his 100th birthday, rumour has it they are pumping Philip alive, simply keeping him ticking over, just to hit the hallmark. Apparently, with so much doom and gloom regarding Coronavirus, this man’s death would be the breaking point for Brits.

To be honest, this ridiculous conspiracy theory does seem the only valid explanation for Philip’s purple undertones.

Of course, internet trolls had a field day when this photo came surfaced and after a recent interview with Oprah, the memes only continued to be dished out:

Whilst I’ll admit I’ve dabbled in this meme, I’m not sure I’d be too thrilled to hear the nation questioning whether my grandpa is a walking corpse.

2/10 distasteful, 9/10 funny

Subject to more slander, apparently the royal family are descendants from lizards? All hail Queen Lizzie…

This one I kind of wish was true, I imagine them to have a wing in Windsor castle which is basically a gigantic breeding spot. Full of green foliage, dried scorpions to graze on and many many heat lamps for them to sit under and doze off on a stone. When the female members of the royal family give birth, I imagine their maternity leave requires them to pop a squat and out comes an egg which they wait to hatch.

The mastermind we have to blame for this conspiracy? David Icke. He believes the world is ruled by a secret society of reptiles — apparently, there have been many accounts of people observing those in positions of power shapeshift into a lizard in front of their eyes. Conveniently no hard proof has been provided.

And anyway, Prince Philip is definitely the least lizard-like of them all. Charles and Camilla however, true reptilian royals.

10/10 funny, wish it were true

Really stupid, vampires aren’t real, show some respect.

BLOOD-related to Vlad the Impaler and owning a house in Transylvania, all evidence points to yes.

Followed by this concrete evidence, it has to be true:

Is that a glass of blood between those tubby digits?!!!

5/10 lacks originality and creative flare

Finally, many conspiracy theorists believe that Elizabeth I was actually a man!

Because no woman could ever harbour such impressive leadership skills, intelligence and good financial handlings.

Elizabeth was actually a little boy from the neighbourhood dressed up to look like her and carry out royal duties after her rumoured death as a young girl.

The defeat of the Spanish armada couldn’t possibly have been calculated by a woman and therefore Elizabeth I being a secret man is the only explanation.

Rumoured to never marry and named the Virgin Queen…I guess we will never know.

1/10 for misogyny

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