How to Get Your Teen to Agree with You

What does family time mean for you and your family? Which aspects come easy and naturally? Which aspects are challenges or struggles? Perhaps undesirable behaviors or unmet expectations come to mind. Your buttons are being pushed. You're concerned.

And, yet, there is a pathway out of this.

Creating agreements as a family will help keep everyone on the same page and will bring you all more peace and ease.

Agreements can be short-term or on a “trial period” at first. In fact, trying the agreement for a set period of time– such as a week– and committing to coming back to reassess together, is highly valuable. It gives you and your teen the time to try the agreement out, gauge what works and what doesn’t work, and think critically about how the agreement might be improved. Additionally, when we don’t feel the pressure of making a change forever, and instead agree to the new plan for a day, or a week, or 10 days, it feels more manageable and achievable for everyone.

It’s important to prioritize the behaviors or unmet expectations that consume the most time and energy. Start with one agreement, and after becoming familiar with the process, you and your family may add 1–2 additional agreements. Allow yourself and your family time to figure things out. Remember that each agreement is an opportunity to recreate and adjust family routines, which can be uncomfortable or challenging for one or more member of the family. That is okay and normal! Keep breathing, and stay patient through the process.

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